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I've given up on dating, seems like it keep meeting all the wrong girls. Nikki is just interested in having sex I feel. I want the act to mean something not just wam bam thank you.I don't feel like having another replay of Stacie and the chaos that caused. I don't want to have what friends I have turn on me, that's what happened last time with Stacie. We were both very evil to each other.I feel that's exactly what would happen with Nikki.

De ja vu just isn't what it used to be. I know that angry person who i was would be brought out by that type of relationship. I was beginning to turn back to that last week. That scares me. I know everyone has a level darkness and in them but mine is a pure darkness. I actually was enjoying hurting people which I find disturbing.

All of my life I've been treated either like a freak, loser, or a creep or taken advantage of. Seems like every time I try to get close to someone I succeed in driving them away or they throw up some of the roadblocks that makes the effort not worth it. I'm coming to accept the fact that I will be alone in this life.

Sarah told me that a girl would enter my life one with lots of facial piercings would change my point of view. She even gave me a name of another girl that i know that would start to like me. I know that will never happen.

I'm not sure if this is what is happening or not. She does have a nose ring but that's as close to Sarah's description she comes. I'm so confused lately I don't know who or what to believe. I'm hoping things soon clear up so i can see clearly again.